On how I lost 12 pounds in two and a half months

I'm not a nutritionist.

I'm not a personal trainer.

But this is my story.  And I'm sticking to it.

I'm not one of those people who loses weight when I'm depressed or lonely. I just eat a lot and stay bundled on my couch. It's a great couch. And I'm my favorite company.

I went through a break up in the middle of May. It was a long time coming so I got over it pretty quickly.  But I'm not an asshole and I wasn't about to stay on my couch (as fabulous as it is) and cry about it. I started filling my time at the gym.  It wasn't crazy; three spin classes a week.

Two weeks later I was dating. Two weeks later I went online for a distraction.  I ended up getting cat phished. If you don't know what that means, look it up. It's actually a great story for another time.  Look for it in, "The Great American Novel, by Lonelli Gonzalez."

I deleted my online dating profile. I don't have time for all that.  I added "walking" to my workout routine instead.

At this point, reader, we are three weeks into a ten & 1/2 week process.

I could say that boys didn't have anything to do with getting me to the gym, but you wouldn't believe me. And that's fair since it would be a lie.  But I'm here for you, dear reader.  To shout from the mountaintop to share ten tips on how I lost 12 pounds in 2.5 months.  The boy stuff is just ancillary.    

1. Go through a break up

This strategy has always been tried and true for me.  So you might be thinking, But I don't want to leave my boyfriend/husband/partner/lover. Well, I question your commitment, but fine. Maybe there's another area of your life that needs some spring/late summer cleaning. A friend of mine packed her life up and moved to LA just to get a fresh start.  It was the bravest thing I've witnessed all year.  What part of your life could use some "tweaking?"

2. Become a morning person

I get my work outs done first thing in the morning.  Whatever comes up for the rest of the day - work, drinks, spontaneous dates with a boy you ran into while walking your imaginary dog in front of his apartment - you've got your work out in already.  Sure, sure. I was in the military and I had to get up at all hours of the morning and night. But it doesn't mean I was born that way. It's a decision that leads to a lifestyle.  You'll notice it also changes the way you choose to eat throughout the course of the day.  

While you're at it, make your bed in the morning.  I don't mean throw your sheets over your pillows.  I mean, put a nice crease in your sheets and make sure you can bounce a quarter off it.  You'll see how making your bed every single day will change the way you face the world.

3.  Get a gym crush

And flirt.  Seriously.  You'll have a much better work out if you've got an audience you want to impress.  And speaking of impressing:

4. Buy new shit

You should be excited to get dressed up for the gym and feel like the cutest version of yourself.  If you have a hot new top, you'll be excited to show it off.  Spend money on the things you want to make a priority.  This could also mean buying new accessories for your bike, getting a new Garmin, or buying a training package at the gym.  And since you are going to the gym, you're not spending money eating out.  Speaking of which:

5. Eat what you want

But only in moderation.  I stopped having grits with eggs and cheese for breakfast at the cafeteria.  That's a weekend meal.  Now I have two hard boiled eggs and banana.  I also drink coffee (who have I become!) but it helps abate my appetite and it keeps me, ahem, regular.  

Sometimes I have a spoonful of almond butter for dinner.  Is it the healthiest thing in the world?  Well, I already told you I'm not a nutritionist.  But it helps me shrink my stomach and the next morning, I see a difference. 

I'm not perfect.  This month alone I've had a Sprinkles cup cake two Sprinkles cupcakes and a cheeseburger Happy Meal.  Stop judging me, you judgy judger.  Avoid binging, but don't think of indulgences as weakness.  Live a little.  I'm just saying after a little living maybe eat like Kate Moss for a meal or two, no? 

6. And this is a BIG one...  Don't drink alone

Oye.  You and the judgement!

Yes, I wish I was writing this with an oversized glass of Sauvignon Blanc.  But I'm drinking an ice cold glass of water to wash down the boring tuna salad I had for dinner.  Forming a habit of having a glass (or two or three) of wine or a beer (or two or three) after a long day of work is really easy.  And really expensive.  Breaking the habit takes a concerted effort but once you do it's not so bad.  Now I put the money I would have spent towards a top that subtly shows off my back.  Which now has muscles.  Speaking of muscles:

7. WORK OUT.  Consistently

I've always loved working out.  But I've fallen out of routines time and time again.  Tips 1-6 on the list helped me get consistent and now that I'm back, I love it.  I live it.  I work out 10-12 hours a week and I have so many endorphins I feel like I'm dancing off the walls.  I am so happy.  Every single day, I'm happy.  I look forward to my work out.  I look forward checking out my progress in the mirror and on the scale.  I look forward to having someone else notice how much weight I've lost.  

Like my hips, I keep my workouts spicy (what does that even mean?).  Weights, classes, spinning, rowing (great for your core), stair master, running, sprint work outs, swimming, elliptical machine.  I downloaded the "Nike Training" app which gives me some tips if I'm not sure what to do in my work out.  When I'm in a rut, I ask the trainers at my gym if they have any suggestions on what I can do.  

If you're ever in doubt, having that dreaded debate: should I go to the gym or should I... (pay my taxes, watch TV, read a book, go shopping, bathe my child, jump out a window)... GO TO THE GYM.  Every time.  Seriously.  Don't make it a choice.  Just go.

8. Talk about it

This will help you be about it.  How often do you talk about Game of Thrones or professional sports/players?  You talk about the things that are important to your life.  Maybe you get a workout buddy.  Maybe you write a blog (copy cat). 

9.  Be naked

This is a big reason I can't have a roommate.  Be comfortable enough with your own body to look at it.  Take a minute to look back at it too.  Know every curve, every mark, every dimple.  Fall in love with your body and be its biggest champion.  Being comfortable naked has a few implications for me:

a. I flex my stomach.  With practice, it's a state of being and it happens even while you sleep

b. I'm more confident.  I'm comfortable with my body.  I loved it twelve pounds ago.  I just love it even more now.

c. I notice subtle changes to my body and it is my biggest motivation to keep going

d. I save time at the gym not worrying about who's gonna see me (thanks, NAPS)

10. And this is what it comes down to...  Love yourself.  LOVE (!!!) yourself.  

This is the one body you have for the rest of your entire life, which, as far as we know, is equivalent to eternity.  Be good to it.  That means be good to yourself too.  I have room for improvement.  But I don't focus on my flaws.  I focus on the way my curves can stop a man in his tracks.  I think good thoughts about myself because I love myself.  Don't be afraid to say that out loud.  It's great to have a cheer squad of family and friends.  But you're the captain of that team.  Earn the spot.